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I had a little too much to drink last weekend. I woke up….
- with like five random text messages from numbers I don’t have stored as contacts.
- with a taco under my pillow.
- with a random in my bed again... oops!
- and deleted my call history, I can’t believe I drunk dialed my ex!
- Totally hydrated and with fresh breath!
The rich and famous get all the babes. My hero is…
- Jay Z
- Dan Bilzerian
- Hugh Hefner
- Brian Austin Green
Dating sites are…
- too complicated, I don’t have the patience to sort through all those losers.
- meat markets and I’m prepping for a BBQ baby!!
- not really how I’d like to meet “the one”, but I’m sure they work for some people.
- the best thing that ever happened to dating, I meet hotties all the time!
Have you ever dated two friends at the same time?
- Dating friends is for amateurs, try twins!
- What about one right after the other?
- Oh come on! How would that even work?
- I did that in college. They weren’t amused when they found out.
You’ve gone out on two dates with this person. This person then drops by unexpectedly. You…
- practically call the police. WTF stalker!
- let them in, that’s so romantic! It’s like a rom com came to life!
- hide your other date in the bathroom and tip toe to the peephole to make sure the drop-by retreats.
- are confused. Did we make plans?
If you’re not into someone who’s pursuing you, you…
- ignore their texts.
- call them and explain why you’re not a match.
- you don’t want to be rude and brush them off so you keep responding to their texts but nothing beyond that.
- might hang out with them a few times anyway just to solidify their spot in your back pocket.
- A sin.
- The only way I can survive casual dating. People don’t want to hear as much as they think they do.
- I lie about my sex number and always deny that my friends look fat (even if they do), but those are productive things to lie about.
- For cowards. Honesty and trust are what deep relationships are built on.
Think about how many people you’ve slept with…
- I feel proud. Do you want to see the list?
- I can count them on one hand.
- I’m cringing. Inside and out.
- Oh who cares about the “number!” That doesn’t mean anything.
Which most applies to you?
- I’ve snuck away from the bar alone to head home for some peace and quiet.
- I have copied and pasted the same text to multiple people at once to see who will respond first about hanging out.
- If I’m going out then I’m coming home with someone cute-ish, no matter what.
- I might have my eye on a couple different babes at the bar and then see who responds best to me before I ask for any numbers.
Let’s talk about the walk of shame.
- If I stay at someone else’s house, I vanish before the light of dawn breaks and ninja myself home.
- I have a couple major walk of shame moments. But I wasn’t ashamed.
- Gross. So trashy. I usually stay for breakfast anyway.
- Oh I get a ride from whoever I went home with.