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Why do you love a mustache?
- It saves my food for later
- It's damn sexy
- It smells like man
- It keeps spiders out of my mouth
- It's as expressive as a ballet dancer
- It's the foundation of freedom
Suppose for a second you're a circus performer. What are you?
- A lion tamer
- A clown in a tiny car
- A trapeze artist
- An acrobat
- A human cannonball
You're in the bar, what does your mustache taste like?
- Whisky and sawdust
What is your mustache's ride?
- A testosterone-fueled pickup truck
- A Trans Am with an eagle on the hood
- A Pontiac Catalina with velvet seats
- A Ferrari painted "Fiery Red"
- A Pierce Arrow, of course
- A station wagon with sweet paneling
What do you wear when you take your mustache out on the town?
- A lovely Hawaiian shirt
- A cowboy hat and belt buckle
- A proper suit
- Something... flannel
- Something... polyester
- Nothing sets-off a 'stache like a sweater vest!
When you find yourself enraptured by a new love, do you consult your mustache?
- Of course. The mustache knows best!
- Periodically, as the relationship develops
- No, the mustache is inert and holds no advice
- Never, the mustache can be vindictive
- Love really isn't my thing... except for my love of the mustache
What do you call your mustache?
- Sex Panther
- Speed Racer
- My best friend
- Nothing. I'm afraid it might answer.
What is your life's quest?
- To find the goodness in the world
- To find the meaning of the world
- To find the humor in the world
- To confront the evils in the world
- To invent an even better spork
Simple question: Manscaping, yes or no?
- Yes, a healthy lawn requires maintenance
- No, I prefer the bordeline madness look
Lastly: Shaving a mustache is ______
- Really wrong
- Incomprehensibly wrong
- A mortal sin
- Punishable by death