Which of these statements is most true?
- I am hungry
- I am horny
- I am broke
- I am spiritually deprived
- I need to do laundry
Which of the following have you done most recently?
- Pleasured myself
- Looked in the refrigerator
- Misplaced my keys and/or glasses and/or phone and/or child
How do you relax?
- Write work emails
- Pleasure myself
- Have an alcoholic beverage
- Go through real estate listings
Which of the following television programming do you most enjoy?
- Ted Talks
- The Hallmark Channel
- American Idol/Top Chef/The Apprentic/any reality contest show where "there can be only one"
Which of The Seven Dwarfs do you most relate to?
If you could add an Eighth Dwarf, whom would it be?
Which of the following have you read most recently?
- A novel
- A biography
- The Wall Street Journal
- My horoscope
Who, among the following individuals, is the greatest inspiration to you?
- Mother Teresa
- Martha Stewart
- Hugh Hefner
If you could have any of the following foods right now, what would it be?
- A Power Bar
- Some junk food
- Take out or delivery, could you grab the menu from the couch?
- A Red Bull
Do you own wrapping paper - you know, that stuff you wrap gifts with?
- It's meticulously organized by occasion
- I think so, but I keep buying it because I can never find it when I need it
- I prefer to have it wrapped in the store
- No, I just put the gift in a bag