How Catty Are You?
“Does this make my butt look big?” You say:
- “Relative to what?”
- “No, you look great!”
- “Not like… rhino big”
- “Believe me, the world never has a problem seeing your butt”
The arch-villain in your life (don’t lie, you have one) just broke-up with their significantly hot significant other. You say:
- “Oh my god! Are you OK?”
- “Hmm. That lasted a lot longer than I thought it would!”
- “How did this happen? Oh wait. It’s you. That explains a lot.”
- “So, you won’t get mad if I ask them out, right?”
Your friend is showing off her engagement ring. You say:
- “Congratulations! It’s beautiful!”
- “Oh… how adorable! It’s so tiny!”
- “Could you stop waving it around? It’s not a flag.”
- “Where's the ring?”
You’re watching the Academy Awards and Johnny Depp is dressed like… well… Johnny Depp. You say:
- “Who cares? He’s hot!”
- “He looks better than last year. It’s a start.”
- “Why, Johnny? Why?”
- “Are you seeing this? It’s like a cat pirate puked up a hairball of laundry!”
Your best friend introduces you to their new piece of arm candy. You say:
- “Is it true you guys met on match.com?”
- “Mmmm. You smell like breakfast.”
- “Pleased to meet you”
You meet someone who is waaaay too nice. Like cloyingly sweet. You say:
- “Seriously, Dorothy, Kansas is that way. And don’t forget your dog.”
- “You are sooo nice! We are totally going to get along!”
- “You are sooo nice! I just want to smother you with a Hello Kitty pillow!”
- “Gotta go! I feel a diabetic coma coming on.”
You get a promotion at work and your coworker doesn’t. You say:
- “I can’t believe they didn’t promote you, too”
- “Don’t be sad. I hear they’re firing you anyway!”
- “Stop pouting! Why does this have to be about you?”
- Nothing. I just point and laugh.
The alarm clock just went off and your SO is sleeping next to you. You say:
- "You're a hot mess, go take a shower."
- "Time to get up!"
- "Do I look like you in the morning?"
- They look so peaceful, I can't wake them
An acquaintance just lost a lot of weight. You say:
- "About time."
- "I bet they will just put it back on"
- "I wonder how they did it so quickly?"
- "Good for them!"
You see a picture of an amazingly ugly baby on Facebook. You comment:
- “Such beautiful....skin..."
- “Wow. Just… wow.”
- “Jeeze, call an exorcist.”