How would you describe your perfect match?
- a blow up doll.
- the stay at home type that only parties occasionally because someone has to pay the bills.
- someone hot, with low moral values and a debilitating low self image.
- a drunken recluse you cornered at the liquor store.
- a partier who likes to go all out and stops just short of running through the streets naked.
What would you look for in an alley?
- A place to sleep and urinate...in that order.
- Discarded food.
- Discarded clothes.
- Unwanted art
- Unfinished bottles of booze.
What is your favorite city?
- San Francisco
- New York
What is your most prized possession?
- A bong I had blessed by Motorhead.
- Your autographed can of Billy Beer.
- An ascot I had blessed by the Pope.
- My leather pants.
- My parents credit card.
How often do you take a shower/bath?
- When my hair gets too greasy.
- When I'm told to.
- When squiggly lines of stink are visible to the naked eye.
- Every day. Sometimes twice.
- I don't understand the question.
When I drink I...
- throw up every time.
- All of the above and sometimes go to jail.
- need help going to the bathroom.
- like to get into fights.
- like to drive.
My goal in life is to....
- marry as many celebrities as possible.
- own more cars than anyone in the world.
- Have more sex than is thought to be humanly possible.
- be acquitted of all charges.
- buy a big house and send my kids to a Ivy League college.
Where does most of your money go?
- On clothing
- On Booze
- Stock portfolio
- On hair products.
I have more than one...
- outstanding warrant.
- vehicle that doesn't run.
My friends say that I...
- am so lucky.
- am very good looking.
- am not invited to the party.
- am a little dangerous.
- need to find a real job.
In school, I was voted most likely to...
- wind up on a milk carton.
- turn gay.
- be a threat to national security.
- not be invited to the class reunion.
- be famous.