What Famous Mustache Are You?

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Question 1/10

Why do you love a mustache?

  • It saves my food for later
  • It's damn sexy
  • It smells like man
  • It keeps spiders out of my mouth
  • It's as expressive as a ballet dancer
  • It's the foundation of freedom
Question 2/10

Suppose for a second you're a circus performer. What are you?

  • A lion tamer
  • A clown in a tiny car
  • A trapeze artist
  • An acrobat
  • A human cannonball
Question 3/10

You're in the bar, what does your mustache taste like?

  • Vodka
  • Beer
  • Milk
  • Denim
  • Scotchy-scotch-scotch
  • Whisky and sawdust
Question 4/10

What is your mustache's ride?

  • A testosterone-fueled pickup truck
  • A Trans Am with an eagle on the hood
  • A Pontiac Catalina with velvet seats
  • A Ferrari painted "Fiery Red"
  • A Pierce Arrow, of course
  • A station wagon with sweet paneling
Question 5/10

What do you wear when you take your mustache out on the town?

  • A lovely Hawaiian shirt
  • A cowboy hat and belt buckle
  • A proper suit
  • Something... flannel
  • Something... polyester
  • Nothing sets-off a 'stache like a sweater vest!
Question 6/10

When you find yourself enraptured by a new love, do you consult your mustache?

  • Of course. The mustache knows best!
  • Periodically, as the relationship develops
  • No, the mustache is inert and holds no advice
  • Never, the mustache can be vindictive
  • Love really isn't my thing... except for my love of the mustache
Question 7/10

What do you call your mustache?

  • Reagan
  • Sex Panther
  • Speed Racer
  • Stitchity-Stachitty
  • My best friend
  • Nothing. I'm afraid it might answer.
Question 8/10

What is your life's quest?

  • To find the goodness in the world
  • To find the meaning of the world
  • To find the humor in the world
  • To confront the evils in the world
  • To invent an even better spork
Question 9/10

Simple question: Manscaping, yes or no?

  • Yes, a healthy lawn requires maintenance
  • No, I prefer the bordeline madness look
Question 10/10

Lastly: Shaving a mustache is ______

  • Wrong
  • Really wrong
  • Incomprehensibly wrong
  • A mortal sin
  • Punishable by death

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