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Your cousin is gettin' married. What are you wearing to the ceremony?
- Formal wear. Duh, it's a wedding!
- Cut-off flannel shirt, dirty jeans
- I'll look sharp, but I'm wearing a trucker hat
- I can't keep up with all my cousin's weddings
Did you ever have a summer job as a kid?
- I used to be a lifeguard, until some blue kid got me fired
- I was a lazy kid; I kinda just lounged around
- I had a typical teenage job, yeah
- I spent summers on vacation with my family
How do you deal with the boredom of being stuck in traffic?
- I listen to a podcast, and try not to stress about it
- I honk and bang on the steering wheel
- I make phone calls to my buddies to pass the time
- Traffic makes me madder than a hunchback in a limbo contest
Do you consider yourself a well-read and informed citizen?
- What in tarnation did you just say?
- I am educated, and intellectually curious
- I read the newspaper when my neighbor wakes up late
- I get by through my facebook feed
Some people ain't got time for person grooming. How often do you shave?
- Every day, I am so fresh and so clean
- I pick up a razor once or twice a week
- I look like I smuggled chewbacca in my underwear
How do you feel when the country buffet's closed and you're still so gosh-darned hungry?
- I'll go eat some pancakes with the one-legged waitress who works at IHOP
- Bummed out. I guess I'll go get pizza.
- Relieved, I need to be eating healthier
- I'll bang on the door and demand a biscuit
I've been meanin' to ask ya, are you single, or in a healthy, monogamous relationship?
- I'm single and like it that way
- I'm in a very serious, committed relationship
- I was living with someone for about a year, until they found out I was there
- I got my dog and TV, what else do I need?
Which of these is the most ideal job to you?
- A wealthy divorcee
Your baby is crying and needs a diaper change. What do you do?
- Easy! Change the diaper, like a good parent
- Ask my nanny to tend to the baby
- Tell the baby to quit cryin'
- Assemble a makeshift diaper out of napkins I stole from the restaurant
Uh-Oh. The doctor has bad news, and worse news. The bad news is you've got 24 hours to live, the worse news is...
- I won't have time to say goodbye to my family
- It could actually be sooner
- He was supposed to tell me yesterday
- I won't have time to make it to the country kitchen buffet