How Much Emotional Baggage Does Your Partner Have?

It’s normal to carry some emotional baggage. If a person denies having any, they’re either a) lying, b) boring, or c) sociopathic. Dealing with the negative things from our past is how we grow and develop the emotional tools to do better in the future. But if you feel like the warning signs are adding up, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. So let’s find out–do they have too much emotional baggage?

Emotional Baggage

No one can help carrying around a little emotional baggage. We all have unresolved issues from past relationships that have negative effects on present ones. That's life. But does your partner let their baggage define them? Take this quiz and discover whether they're ready for this relationship--or whether it's time for one of you to let go. Either they need to find a way to get over their past, or you need to find someone with the emotional resources to be there for you.

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Question 1/10

When it comes to their most recent or most serious exes, they...

Rant about all the ways they've been screwed over
Mope about the things that went wrong
Have a balanced take on both the other people and the past relationships
Refuse to say anything at all

Question 2/10

Outside of practical communication--things revolving around your schedules or other necessary information--your partner needs to check in with you...

Once or twice a day
Constantly, and they panic if you fail to respond immediately
Never
You're not sure. They haven't said anything explicit, and the pattern is unclear

Question 3/10

Those three little words: I love you. For your significant other, they come (or you assume they will come)...

Almost immediately in your relationship
With great difficulty
Readily enough when the feelings are there

Question 4/10

Everyone screws up. When they do, they are...

Overwhelmed with guilt--to the point that the situation becomes about them and their emotions
Willing to have hard conversations, learn from their mistakes, and try to change their behavior
Ready to discuss individual incidents but reluctant to identify patterns
Immediately defensive and blame you

Question 5/10

Everyone screws up. When you do, they...

Shut down and won't discuss it
Freak out over how similar this experience is to the crap their ex put them through
Accept your apology but continue to show their displeasure in passive-aggressive ways
Confront you. After you apologize and they accept, they keep the conversation positive and constructive

Question 6/10

No man is an island. Neither is any relationship. Which of the following statements best applies to your partner?

They fear that your friends and family somehow threaten your relationship and try to isolate you
They don't have many outside interests or relationships and want to be included in every part of your life
They know you need outside friends but want to know--and maybe even check on--where you are at all times
Their life intersects with yours in a beautiful Venn diagram: Yours, Mine, Ours

Question 7/10

Which statement best describes their current relationship with their ex?

Talking every day. They're best friends
They have a distant but cordial relationship and handle any shared responsibilities gracefully
They follow their ex on social media religiously and obsess over the ex's posts
They can't go a day without having a bitter argument with the ex

Question 8/10

True or false? They blow hot and cold, keeping you off balance.

True
Somewhat true
False

Question 9/10

Emotional baggage isn't just about past romantic relationships. How do they talk about their family and their childhood?

With love, fond memories, and future plans--most of the time. They're human. They complain.
They're candid about traumatic experiences and determined not to let them interfere with present happiness.
They're weirdly quiet. They refuse to say anything about their family or their pre-adult life.
Landmines ahead! They'll talk, maybe initiate a conversation about their family, but you never know when something is going to set them off.

Question 10/10

Your partner asks you what you're thinking or feeling...

Constantly--always in the assumption that you are or should be thinking or feeling something about them
Frequently--but most often with respect to a specific issue or event
Never. You sometimes wonder if they're even interested in your thoughts or care about your emotional reactions
At the wrong time, and then they get frustrated that you may not have the right words at hand

Calculating Result...

How Much Emotional Baggage Does Your Partner Have?